Psychology Clinic Helpline

Welcome To The Psychology Clinic Helpline:

1. If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
2. If you are passive-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
3. If you are codependent, please press 2 for the passive-dependent person.
4. If you are manic-depressive, press 0 gently, then 9 hard, then 0 gently,then 9 hard.
5. If you have multiple personality disorder, press 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7followed by ####.
6. If you have borderline personality disorder, press 8 for help, then hangup. Call back immediately raging about being ignored. Then began crying andapologize profusely for losing your temper. Repeat process.
7. If you are paranoid or delusional, we know who you are and what youwant. Just stay on the line and we'll trace the call.
8. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tellyou which number to press.
9. If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, no onewill answer.